Their unique circumstances mean that some of the most effective burnout mitigation strategies are or feel out of reach to them.

They carry the burden of managing finances and ensuring there is enough cash or incoming investment (or both) to pay everyone, including themselves.

Every conversation and opportunity are important because of where it ‘could’ lead so prioritising feels impossible.

Every decision feels critical – making the wrong call can be detrimental which leads to rumination, anticipatory worry and always being ‘on’ even when they are not working.

They often wear multiple hats at a time, including leading sales, product development, operations, marketing, HR, recruitment and more. This leads to overwhelm, lack of focus and a sense of being stuck in the hamster wheel, fuelled by adrenaline.

The founders and business owners that I work with find it hard to dissociate themselves from their business. It’s part of what got them where they are but it gets in the way of delegating, draws them to micromanage and never settle for ‘good enough’.

Long hours, hustling and “never giving up” are touted as key to success by those who made it. Never have I heard a founder say they built a unicorn by working 9-5 and volunteering at their kids’ school. It’s worn like a badge of honour and expected by VCs, advisors, and those who orbit around them.

As a result, the concept of boundaries feels completely out of reach and burnout is rife, manifesting as exhaustion, frustration, resentment, loss of passion/mojo, disconnection from loved ones, anxiety and depression.

A different approach to boundaries

So, we need a different approach – one that acknowledges the unique challenges, circumstances and characteristics that define the life of a founder or small business owner.

Boundaries are guidelines we set for ourselves that help shape the behaviours and habits that enable us to achieve our goals in life. They are critical to: protect ourselves from stress and burnout; improve our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing; and promote our sense of agency.

For example, a boundary can be: “I don’t work with VCs whose values don’t align with me or my business” or “I don’t reply to clients outside of office hours.”

The trouble is, when founders do try to set boundaries, they tend to rely on will power, strength and determination to hold them – cognitively we know they make sense. Like the New Year resolutions we make in a bid to change something we don’t like about our lives. It doesn’t work that way.

So, rather than relying on willpower, I invite my clients to think about boundaries as a process.

Step one: Practice self-compassion

Before moving into action (it can be tempting to just ‘set a boundary’), stop, breathe and acknowledge your suffering. Notice everything you are carrying, the scale of the challenge and the physical and emotional toll of your responsibility. In the words of Kristin Neff, we can say to ourselves: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be gentle and kind to myself.” This can feel very awkward to founders who major in being hard on themselves, but Neff’s rigorous research tells us that it works!

Step two: Define what matters most

Then, when you have directed kindness and compassion towards yourself, you can define what matters most to you. You can reflect on what you want to achieve with your life, what you want your legacy to be and the core values you want to live by. For example, I want to serve my clients in a way that helps them achieve the change they want to make and live happier, more fulfilled lives. I want to build deep connections with my children so that they feel safe and loved. I want to savour and enjoy life. To help with this step, ask yourself: “what would my 100-year-old self want me to have done with my life?” or “what is my life purpose?” These are big questions that are worth taking the time to ponder.

Step three: Define your boundaries

Once you know what your priorities are, you can start thinking about the boundaries you need to hold. If one of my priorities is to serve my clients in the best way that I can, I need to maintain certain boundaries. I need to empathise without colluding, I need to hold up a mirror and challenge their thinking in a way that can create discomfort and I need to make sure I practice self-care. If I fail to process my own emotions through meditation, therapy or coaching supervision, I compromise my ability to achieve my purpose.

If another priority is to build deep connections with my children, I need to switch off my phone, invest in special time and sit with them when they experience challenging emotions like anger, frustration or resentment.

To help with this step, ask yourself: “What activities, projects or tasks do I spend time on that do not align with my values, my purpose and my personal mission?” or “what do I need in order to recharge myself moment to moment, day to day and over the long term?”

Step 4: Understand your emotional relationship with your boundaries – without this step it all falls down!

Have you ever decided to change a lifelong habit and failed? You knew cognitively what you needed to do, you understood why it was important, but you just couldn’t do it? Or you did it for a while, but it didn’t stick.

Human beings are emotional beings and the barriers to behaviour change lie predominantly in the beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the world around us. Without an understanding of why we struggle to hold our boundaries, we are likely to fail.

Beliefs that sit beneath our inability to hold our boundaries are deeply personal and require our mindful attention. On the surface, they could sound like this: “If I delay a meeting with a VC, they will lose interest and move on.”

Deep below the surface they sound like this: “I’m not good enough, I need to work harder than everyone else to prove that I deserve to be here.” or “I don’t deserve to be here, my needs are not important.”

To help with this step, ask yourself Nancy Kline’s powerful questions: “What am I assuming will happen if I hold my boundaries?” and “what would be a more positive, empowering, and realistic assumption?”

Step 5: Keep noticing and re-setting your boundaries

Step 5 is the hardest step by far but it’s critical if you want long term, sustainable change. And it’s not a linear process (sorry - I know that’s disappointing). I frequently have to go back a few steps and keep myself in check. And that’s ok, it’s part of being human. I’d be suspicious of anyone who tells you they’ve got this cracked permanently.

A reset might include:

• Delaying a few tasks
• Confronting and planning difficult conversations that are blockers to the work
• Stopping work, taking a step back
• Reaching out to a friend

As always, the process is simple, the practice is not but in the words of Glennon Doyle, “you can do hard things”!