So, they help. Then they help a bit more. Until they’re not really managing anymore – they’re doing.

And that’s when the loop begins. The team waits for direction, the manager feels frustrated and the more they step in, the less initiative anyone takes.

I learned this the hard way. Earlier on in my career, I had a brilliant team who were capable, motivated, and full of ideas. Yet somehow, I’d become the decision-maker for everything – from strategy to stationery. They weren’t the problem. My ‘helpfulness’ was.

When support starts to stunt growth

People rarely stop taking initiative because they’re lazy. They stop because they don’t feel safe, capable, or trusted enough to act.

Psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan called these the building blocks of motivation – autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Together, they form the foundation of what’s known as Self-Determination Theory.

If any of those three is missing, people default to waiting. They second-guess themselves, avoid risk, and slowly disconnect from the outcome.

And often, managers unintentionally make it worse. We try to create reassurance, but end up removing ownership.

Freedom isn’t the opposite of structure

Over time, I realised that the best teams don’t need total freedom – they need clarity and trust in equal measure.

When people know exactly what success looks like, where the boundaries are and that they’re trusted to find their own way within them, something changes. Initiative returns.

A turning point for me came when I stopped saying, “Let me know when it’s done so I can look over it,” and started saying, “Here’s the outcome we need and here’s what’s non-negotiable. Everything else is yours to shape.”

That one shift turned managers into mentors and employees into owners.

The art of letting go – without losing control

Here are a few ideas that have helped me (and others) break the habit of overhelping:

1. Replace check-ins with rhythm

Instead of asking ‘How’s it going?’ randomly, build a predictable pattern of alignment. A quick start-of-week briefing, a midpoint review and a wrap-up chat give people structure without surveillance.

2. Give the ‘why’ and the ‘what’, but not the ‘how’

Your job is to define purpose and direction. Theirs is to work out the route. Micromanagement usually begins where clarity ends.

3. Hold people accountable – kindly but firmly

If someone owns a project, they need to own the results too. Stepping in to fix it at midnight might feel noble, but it quietly tells everyone that accountability is optional.

4. Ask questions instead of offering fixes

When someone brings you a problem, try:

• ‘What are the options you’re considering?’
• ‘What would you do if I weren’t here?’
• ‘What’s the risk if we try your approach?’

You’ll be surprised how quickly people start thinking differently when they know you won’t jump straight to the answer.

5. Be patient with the wobble

When people start making their own decisions, they’ll make imperfect ones. Let them. The short-term inefficiency is the price of long-term capability.

What progress looks like

You’ll know things are shifting when your conversations stop being about updates and start being about ideas. When someone says, ‘I’ve thought of a new approach’, instead of ‘What do you want me to do?’

That’s when you’ve stopped managing and started leading.

Because the real mark of a good manager isn’t how much they do – it’s how little they’re needed for the work to happen well.