But fear not, it is possible to make this season of work parties more enjoyable for those of us on the quieter side. But how?

To answer that, we need to first understand what introversion is and what it isn’t. For one, introversion isn’t the same as being shy, not wanting to talk to people or being anxious about social situations – those are all feelings, not behavioural preferences linked to your personality, and they can all be overcome with effort. Introversion is slightly more permanent and defined through two different lenses: An introvert will think before they talk (an introvert doesn’t use talking as a way to think something through, like an extrovert would) and an introvert will best recharge their energy alone and not with other people. The former doesn’t generally affect our ability to enjoy a group gathering, but the latter does if the company is larger than a couple of dozen people. For an introvert, a large work party is by definition an energy-depleting activity, because introverts don’t recharge in large groups (introverts in very small companies might therefore not have any problems at all during the party season). There are, however, things we can do to make these types of events a more positive experience – and if you’re not an introvert but reading this because you’re helping to organise the work Christmas party, there are some things you can do to make your event more introvert-inclusive.

Prepare

Introverts are good planners and generally comfortable with detail, and a bit of thinking ahead can help ease some of those initial interactions at the start of the evening. Who’s going to be there? Is there anything you know about them that you can ask them about? A colleague you’re close to might be agreeable to meet for a drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) before the main party – that way you have someone to both enter the venue with and chat with to start the evening off on a good note. And if throughout the event you find yourself not enjoying things, draw from a pre-prepared list of actions to start enjoying it or bring the evening to a close (see further down). This also helps you avoid grabbing another glass of wine as the go-to solution. Daisy May Cooper, star of This Country, recently shared in The Guardian that alcohol had been her fix on too many occasions to «overcome» her introversion, and it left her with alcohol-induced anxiety the day after instead – this isn’t a route you want to take and is completely avoidable.

Take a breather

Nobody says you have to be present the whole evening, and depending on the size of the organisation, most probably nobody will even notice it if you take a step back for a few minutes to get some fresh air, sit in a corner to check your emails, or take a short walk to call those waiting for you at home or a friend elsewhere. This isn’t a reason to start smoking, but taking a breather away from the main action could do wonders for your energy levels to get you through another hour – and to enjoy rather than endure the time you spend at the event.

Find your tribe

While it’s true that introverts generally don’t like to network in the traditional sense, where you quickly bounce your way across a group of people to get to know as many as possible, we are generally comfortable having an in-depth conversation with a smaller number of individuals. That doesn’t make introverts bad at networking – introverts simply prefer to get to know people more deeply and personally, and the social butterfly mode that’s traditionally associated with networking doesn’t appeal to us because it’s too superficial. Instead, we generate stronger connections with our network that last, and this can often be better done in smaller groups or one-on-one. Up to 50% of people are introverts so the likelihood is high that at least some of the other people you meet at the work party also have this same preference, so find those people who enjoy a deeper discussion and spend time in that conversation without feeling that you «should» be socialising in any other particular way.

Leave if you feel like it – it’s OK!

Unless it’s a sit-down meal and you leave midway through dinner, which you probably want to avoid, there really are no rules for how long you need to stay at a work party – it might feel like there are, but someone has to be the first to call it a day, and just because others stay until the sun goes down (or until it comes back up again), it doesn’t mean you have to. You’re there, you’ve made an effort, and you’re enjoying yourself. The quality of that enjoyment is more important than the number of hours you spend there. If, before the event starts, you set a time you are intending to stay for (say 90 minutes), you make a commitment to yourself which is achievable. When that time frame (your 90 minutes) has been reached, you’ll probably find you actually want to stay longer. But if that’s not the case and you’re ready to depart, that’s fine too. It’s much better to stay for a short while and genuinely enjoy it, than endure a longer time and hate it. Being comfortable with your decision to stay or leave is something you’ll carry with you to the next work party and will help decide whether you find them enjoyable or not. Especially in a season where there might be more than one party in any given week, remember that being the first one to leave might be the right thing to do to manage your energy that week, so you don’t spread yourself too thin across multiple days. A date with a good book the following evening might be just what’s needed to be ready for the next round of events.

Own it

Just because those who are louder say that things have to happen a certain way doesn’t mean that that’s the only way to do something, or even that it’s the best way. Your way of showing up to the work party is no better or worse than other people’s – so own your approach and get comfortable with your preferences. Being an introvert is nothing to be ashamed about, and introverts don’t need to be «fixed» to behave more like extroverts. The more you genuinely believe this – because it’s true – the more it will come across in your interactions with others. Increasingly that comfort will also give other people the space to own their own behavioural preferences for themselves too, and over time this will make the culture in your company more inclusive – and that’s a wonderful thing to give to your colleagues. Consider this your little Secret Santa present to them all.

If you’re organising the work party, make introversion one of the elements of inclusion that you think about when you plan the event – don’t play music so loud you can’t have a proper conversation; create quiet spaces for people to retreat to so they don’t have to go outside in the cold winter evening for some quiet time; and create structure and activities that attendees can interact around, such as fun displays, a photo booth, a treasure hunt or a trail, or even something as basic as an interesting food grazing table – it all helps to ease people’s interactions and give them talking points that don’t feel too stilted or artificial. That way it’s easier for everyone to enjoy the evening and genuinely have fun – even the introverts among us!