But no, seriously. Cow burps (and farts) are so gnarly and detrimental to the planet that Bill Gates has led a new $12mil investment in an Australian company, Rumin8, that is working to feed cows seaweed in order to reduce the planet-heating emissions that come from their burps and farts. The company claims that lab trials have shown the added seaweed effectively reduces methane emissions by up to 95%. Instead of building gargantuan seaweed farms to adhere to this demand, the company is reproducing the plant in a lab, making them much more sustainable, cost and land efficient.

Let’s just say that again, but slower: billionaire Bill Gates has invested more money than I’ll ever make in an Australian company that is going to feed cows seaweed so their burps don’t destroy the planet. WHAT. Just writing that sentence feels like it was some conspiracy started by the gremlins of Reddit, but no, it is genuinely very real.

Okay, now that we got my utter bemusement out of the way, let’s talk about how hazardous these cow burps really are.

Methane is a by-product of a cow’s digestion process and is the most common greenhouse gas after carbon dioxide. Although it has a shorter lifespan in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide, it has 84 times more global warming potential over a 20 year period, and is also 25 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere, according to the United States environmental protection agency. Due to the microbes in the cows’ stomachs, methane is produced as the animals digest their food, but when seaweed is added to their diet then the planet-warming gases decrease significantly. A vast portion of methane emissions around the globe come from livestock, and most of that directly from beef and dairy cows.

I would pay a lot of money to eavesdrop on a conversation amongst the aliens and what they’re thinking of us right now.

“Their planet is going to explode soon.”

“Really? Why?”

“Cow burps and farts, dude. Those humans are screwed.”

The future

Speaking of Reddit, Bill Gates actually appeared on one of the platforms Ask Me Anything sessions, where he answered questions about the future of hamburgers and sustainable meat, appearing highly jovial during his answers, which leads me to think that maybe the future is okay?

“There are companies making ‘beef’ in new ways and people working to still use cows but reduce the methane emissions,” Gates wrote, adding that, “I think eventually these products will be very good even though their share is small today.”

European Commission Vice-President Frans Timmermans said at the COP27 climate summit last November, “Methane is the cheapest and fastest way to slow down global warming in the years ahead.”

Still, Rumin8 CEO David Messina did concede what an important and cheap protein source cows are for billions of people, telling CNN that, “Our solution is global and will provide both developed and developing countries with a methane reducing product that will have a massive impact on global emissions in agriculture.”

Apparently Rumin8 is not the first cow burp and fart tackler however, as Swedish startup Volta Greentech and the Irish SeaSolutions have both attempted to detain the cow-fart virus with seaweed-based farming for pasture-based livestock. Either way, Rumin8 seems to be the one with the most promising solution as it clearly caught Bill Gates’ attention.

I guess it’s time to start getting used to plant based burgers.